New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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