A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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