I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
