Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
