okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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