I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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