sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone