xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.