stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
