i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need to sanitize my soul.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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