Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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