All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.