Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now