I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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