She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
