Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
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I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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