you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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