Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
