babies were throwing up all over the place
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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