so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
