It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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