I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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