i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.