I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.