everyone is single if you try hard enough
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.