Ambien. No doubt about it.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.