guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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