She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
