today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
