I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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