A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
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she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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