I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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