did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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