I cannot find my penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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