soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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