I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
