i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
