How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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