apparently the secret to your success is patron
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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