names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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