I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
