I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
