I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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