the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
