I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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