You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
