My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think my moral compass just broke
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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