remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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