he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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