if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
