Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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