Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
