i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize