i jhust puked up my retainher.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
